


one hundred ways to say “i love you”

by kaimcclains (smallcuts)



Category: The Hollow (Cartoon)
Genre: Childhood Friends, Established Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, M/M, Mutual Pining, Pining, chapters are set either in-game or modern au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2019-05-27
Packaged: 2019-06-05 11:35:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15169892
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smallcuts/pseuds/kaimcclains
Summary: Actions mean more than words sometimes, at least in Adam and Kai’s experiences.





	1. "pull over. let me drive for awhile."

When Mira had suggested a group road trip out of the blue as a way to celebrate the beginning of summer, it had been a fun idea at the time. Emphasis on “fun.”

The cramped city highways had easily given way to open, spacious back roads after a couple of hours, and while the sight was beautiful at first, it’s quite monotonous now. Kai almost wishes he had thought to bring some other form of entertainment besides a Nintendo 3DS, especially because he was certain his battery was running out of juice. He did have his phone, but his limited data plan meant he’d have to use it sparingly, much to his chagrin.

The trees appear to agree as they pass by Kai’s passenger window, swaying in the gentle breeze outside. 

“I’m hungry! When are we pulling over for snacks?” Mira complains from the backseat. She‘s spread out across the three seats, empty dorito wrappers littering the back of Adam’s car. A pair of headphones lay dangling precariously from her neck; one wrong bump on the road could send it careening into the seat in front of her, and then Kai would be _really_ pissed.

“Didn’t you just eat twenty minutes ago?” Kai questions. He could have sworn he heard the crinkling of more of those mini serving-size chips he bought at the store yesterday (that was supposed to be _rationed_ ) as she streamed for her Instagram live. 

“Yeah, whatever minutes ago. I need real food though!” exclaims Mira. 

Kai only groans loudly and longly in response, head banging against the dashboard. 

“Adam? Are we gonna pull over soon?” When he didn’t receive a response, he chanced a glance at Adam’s side profile. He seems too focused on the road to answer Kai, so he resorts to poking the other’s arm.

“What?!” Adam finally says irritably after a few good nudges from Kai. He only feels a twinge of guilt now for bothering his friend.

“Mira wants to know if we’re pulling over soon for food.” 

“Hey! Quit mentioning me up there!”

Kai rolls his eyes so hard, he’s sure the other occupants of the car can hear it. Nonetheless, he continues to stay tuned to what was sure to be another Adam and Mira debate: Food Edition. 

“We don’t need it.” Adam states plainly.

The first shot on the battlefield has been officially fired. Kai braces himself for a pointless clash that’ll only result in Mira getting her way.

“Yes, we do! Do you want me dead? Do you want me to fucking die in your backseat, Adam?” Mira counters, arms waving wildly in the back in a futile effort to support her point.

“Don’t be dramatic.”

“My stomach is already on its way to digest itself, and then when I have no stomach and have to get buried out in the woods because I can’t digest anything anymore, my last dying thought will be of your betrayal.” She smirks with the knowledge that she most definitely swayed Adam into stopping for a diner (or take-out. She’s up for anything at this point).

Adam rubs one of his temples, clearly agitated. They drive in silence for another mile, Mira attempting and failing to give Adam puppy-dog eyes from the back.

Kai thinks this is likely his cue to say something.

“Hey, uh, buddy? You doing okay?”

Adam doesn’t reply.

“My dude? My man? My main man, Adam?” He tries, pronouncing Adam’s name in the way he knows Adam hates it. 

“What?” The other male grits out. 

“Do you want me to uh-. You know, um,” It’s obvious that Kai’s brain isn’t catching up to his mouth, what with Adam‘s concerned glance to the side of his head as he collects his thoughts.

“Just pull over. Let me drive for a while.” He spits out after a painful moment of silence. He notices the way Adam subtly grips the steering wheel tighter and grimaces. Kai is _such_ a fucking dumbass.

“Um. Yeah, okay.” Surprisingly, Adam agrees. He drives onto the gravel, parking it and yanking up the emergency brake as he exits his car and ventures to Kai’s side.

Mira takes advantage of the opportunity to veer off as well, immediately stretching her legs and wringing her back out. Kai’s still in shock that Adam’s letting him drive. He’s told him time and time again that his car was like his baby, and here he is trusting his idiotic best friend with it.

Kai gets out after Adam opens the door, quickly unlatching his seatbelt and taking a second to stretch his arms. His limbs felt like they were functional again for the first time in hours.

“Thanks,” he states blankly, not sure of what else he's required to say aloud despite the millions of contrasting thoughts tumbling around his head.

“Yeah.”

Before Kai can reflect on his actions, he’s reaching out to envelop his best friend in a hug that catches both parties off guard. “Promise I won’t crash your car,” Kai whispers into his neck, cheeks tinged the slightest shade of pink. Adam blinks in shock, eyes slipping to the ground as he mumbles a quiet “you better not” to Kai’s shoes. Kai can feel Adam's arms encircling him for the tiniest millisecond before Kai stumbles away.

“You wanna leave now, or should we stay here?” 

“It’s a short break, and then we’ll go stop for food,” Adam declares, raising his voice towards the end of his sentence so he’s sure Mira hears him (and because he’s just that petty).

“All right,” agrees Kai as he sits on the unpaved gravel outside the car, pulling his knees up to his chest. He’s succeeding in getting his only reliable pair of jeans dusty and gross, but it’s a better option than stuffing himself inside a car seat for another half hour or so at the moment. 

“Any idea where you want to stop?” asks Adam.

“I don’t know. Guess we’ll see where the wind takes us,” he smiles pleasantly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all chaps are 1,000 words (or as close as i can make that)
> 
> my tumblr is [kaimcclains](http://kaimcclains.tumblr.com) hmu friends
> 
> fic idea from [here](http://p0ck3tf0x.tumblr.com/post/98502010026/one-hundred-ways-to-say-i-love-you)


	2. “it reminded me of you.”

So, Kai has fire powers now. That’s nice. He’s not _useless_.

It’s a complete understatement. He’s been lighting random shit on fire for an hour now, finger gun there and _BOOM_! Tree on fire! Finger gun somewhere else and _BAM_ the back of Adam’s shoe is on fire! He grins hysterically as Adam turns around to send him another exasperated look.

Mira was laughing her ass off the first few times, but she hasn’t looked Kai’s way since. Super lame, considering he _thought_ he had supportive friends.

They trudge along in the forest in silence for what feels like another 2 hours but was realistically only 20 minutes. Kai’s bored though, and he voices his complaints loud and clear until Adam finally tells him to knock it off. His constant nagging must have worked however, because Adam’s stopping the group to set up camp near what he deemed a “safe spot” and pointedly not making eye contact with Kai. Kai smiles to himself.

“Kai, get a fire going.” Adam orders. Kai’s gone by the time he can hear Adam bossing Mira around too, already on a mission to complete his task so he can sit the _fuck_ down already. He wanders around aimlessly for a bit, paying more attention to the minuscule flames sparking from his hands than to his surroundings (seriously, he could control _fire_. Fire!!!).

The sky is starting to darken, which means it’s time to regroup already. Kai enjoyed the little alone time he got while he had it, especially since Adam can never seem to leave him alone.

Not that he hates the attention or anything. In fact, he sort of likes it. A lot. Maybe more than he should.

Kai shakes that train of thought off before it can leave the station- he just loves receiving attention from Adam as a friend. That’s all. They had an epic _bromance_ going, and Kai’s not about to mess that up.

Speaking of Adam, there’s an oddly shaped leaf on the ground that vaguely resembles the symbol on his shirt. He picks it up and sniffs it, despite his better judgment telling him _hey_ , maybe he _shouldn’t_ smell a weird looking leaf on the forest floor. It does look pretty sick though. He pockets it to show Adam when he gets back, as well as the five or so bundles of sticks he initially collected for their fire.

 “I’m back!” Kai calls as he re-enters their clearing. Adam’s on the ground drawing circles with his finger. How productive. “Where’s Mira?”

“I asked her to go refill our water containers,” he states matter-of-factly, as if Kai is dumb for not being able to read his mind.

He drops all the sticks a few feet in front of Adam, lighting it on fire with a flick of his hand. That’ll never get old.

“Hey, so, when I was walking around earlier, I found-“ He interrupts himself to dig through his back pocket, producing the leaf he stumbled upon earlier. “This!”

“What... is it?” Adam questions cautiously. Kai rolls his eyes; Of course Adam would get suspicious of a _leaf_.

“It’s a leaf! It reminded me of you.”

“Wh- huh?!” replies Adam.

“Because- see look...” He holds the object up next to the design on Adam’s shirt, and although it isn’t the same size and the leaf isn’t actually that swirly, the other boy has to see the resemblance!

He can feel Adam’s heartbeat in proximity to his hand, beating far too fast for someone who’s literally sitting down. 

Kai snatches his hand back, face burning in embarrassment. He coughs awkwardly into an open fist, eyes roaming to the fire he began.

“Sorry.” Kai apologizes, for lack of anything better to say. He then instantly regrets even opening his mouth. Adam doesn’t say anything back, just thumbs the leaf back and forth in his hand.

“Um, thanks. It’s... nice?”

“No I know it was dumb, I shouldn’t have like-“ 

“I think it’s cute.” Adam smiles. There’s a certain weariness in his eyes, and something deep in Kai’s stomach tells him the other boy is lying, and yet.

Adam thought it was cute.

By extension, Adam thinks _he’s_ cute. 

As current residing king of never thinking his actions through, Kai moves in to kiss him, and he almost does it. Almost.

His lips end up on Adam’s cheek instead, but no one can say he didn’t try. _Screw the fucking bromance_ , he thinks as he backs away. Maybe he did the right thing for once.

It’s hard to see Adam’s face given the lack of sunlight. He looks like he’s blushing, which means that Kai _did_ do something right.

“What was that for?”

“Dunno. You’re the one who called me cute.” Turn the tables back on him. Kai would definitely pat himself on the back if he could.

“I- but you-... maybe I did.” Adam admits. Kai pumps a fist in the air, congratulations to him! Where is Mira to high five him when he needs her? “Any more gifts for me that could warrant more cheek-kissing?”

Kai’s at a loss for words now, brain too busy attempting to keep his face from overheating. Right when he thought he won their little (dispute? play fight? _couple fight_?!) too. “I guess that’s for you to find out!” He squeaks out.

Adam comes closer. Kai freaks out again. He doesn’t appear as if he’s going to do anything though, judging by the way his hand hovers over the limited space between them. “When would that be?” whispers Adam.

He’s close. Too close.

”What’s up! What’d I miss?” Mira exclaims loudly, peeking out from behind a tree. Adam fumbles on his ass, and knocks the wind out of Kai as he topples onto him. Mira simply raises an eyebrow at their antics before leaving to put their supplies away.

“N-not much!” Kai wheezes at her general direction. “Just two bros, chilling!” The only reply he receives is a hard smack from Adam on the chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr is [kaimcclains](https://kaimcclains.tumblr.com/)
> 
> fic idea from [here](http://p0ck3tf0x.tumblr.com/post/98502010026/one-hundred-ways-to-say-i-love-you)


	3. "no, no, it's my treat."

Adam’s trying his hardest to pretend this _won’t_ be a date.

Safe to say, he’s not doing so hot. Kai had emphasized the fact that it was just the two of them and he was excited at least three times earlier too when their friends were out of earshot or in another class as if none of what Kai is saying has an effect on Adam’s _weak_ heart.

He nudges the pile of what used to be mashed potatoes and beans around his cafeteria plate half-heartedly, tuning out the animated argument Kai and Reeve had engaged in and the occasional scoff from Vanessa. He’s too lost in his thoughts (why is he even bothering to overthink? Kai’s being platonic, probably...) to notice the pitiful glance Mira directs his way.

“You okay?” She whispers, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Yeah,” he says, attempting to sound earnest in his response. She doesn’t buy it, not with the subtle eyebrow quirk and the small, disapproving exhale that exits her nostrils.

“You can text me about it if it’s bothering you,” Mira suggests, snatching her phone out of her pocket and laying it on her lap. She points to it enticingly, and Adam has never been good at saying no to her so he reluctantly complies. Taking a minute to bend down and unzip his bag, he doesn’t notice the questioning gaze Mira and Kai share between each other. By the time he’s found his phone sitting at the bottom of his backpack like it has business being there, Kai’s back to his heated argument with Reeve about desserts.

 **Adam** : Kai asked me out. Or asked me to hang out.

 **Mira** : it’s a date lmao i know kai

 **Adam** : The problem is that so do I, and I think he would’ve made it obvious if it was a date.

 **Mira** : i thought you were concerned about something serious lol

 **Adam** : This is serious!! What if he didn’t ask me out on a date and I’m a dumbass bitch who thought he did!

 **Mira** : he totally did end of discussion that guy has serious heart eyes for you

 **Mira** : tell me how it goes later okay??

 **Adam** : Ugh okay but you are no help.

 **Mira** : you got me there

Adam set his phone down with a sigh. A part of him was still hyped to see Kai alone, but a part of him knew that he was setting himself up for disappointment. Nonetheless, he rejoined the conversation, not intending to appear as an outlier to his friends.

***

 **Kai** : i’m outside

Adam hobbles down the stairs with one shoe on, sock and foot both in hand as he slides it on with all the grace of a toddler on crack. He nearly faceplants, and damn, what a way to ruin a night. He yanks the door open once he manages to look like a functional human being, yelling out a quick goodbye to his mother in the other room before dashing out to Kai’s beat-up car.

“Hey! You look nice.” Kai smiles, gesturing to Adam.

“Thanks.”

The short car ride to their usual Italian joint is punctuated with Kai asking him generic questions - “How was your day?” - despite the fact that he’s been with Adam nearly all day (and every other day before that but that’s beside the point). Adam’s too nervous to steer the conversation into anything more than casual, however, so he’s somewhat grateful.

Kai insists on opening Adam’s car door, a light blush blossoming on his ears and neck. Adam - unsurprisingly - fails to notice. They enter the establishment, and although they’ve been here a million times before with the squad and without, it feels _different_ this time.

When the bored looking waitress approaches their booth, Kai rattles off his and Adam’s order along with their drinks with the precision of someone who’s been here all too many times before. Adam doesn’t know when the hell Kai had time to memorize what Adam orders, but he’s sizably impressed. They eat in silence, Kai interrupting every once in a while to show him stupid videos on Twitter.

Eventually, Kai gets up and slides into the booth next to him. Adam questions it (mildly, _extremely_ mildly because he doesn’t actually want Kai to leave) and Kai only grins in response, gripping Adam’s hand and intertwining it with his own.

 _‘Please be a date please be a date pleasebeadate-’_ Adam’s inner thoughts race as the waitress hands them their bill. He lets go of Kai’s hand and moves to grab his wallet out of his back pocket, as he usually splits 50-50 on the check.

“Wait! It’s my treat,” insists Kai. Adam looks at him, disbelief etched in his features. “What?”

“I… um, man, just take the ten…” Adam says slowly. Kai’s getting more flustered with each passing second, voice a little higher pitched as he continues arguing.

“No, it’s my treat. Really.” He slaps a twenty down and a few crumpled ones before latching onto Adam’s arm and dragging him out of the restaurant. Adam frowns, guilty that he allowed Kai to pay despite the guy complaining constantly about how broke he is.

“When does the movie start?” Adam elects to say instead of the million other conversation starters that begin along the lines of ‘Why the fuck are you paying for me when you haven’t done it before?’

“We have an hour. But I uh… I’m glad we went out tonight.” Kai states as he hops back into his car. Adam gets in too, shutting the door quietly next to him. “You know, with a guy like me.”

“Huh?”

Kai leans over, invading his space, and Adam doesn’t know what to expect. _Fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckfuck-_

He kisses him for a split millisecond before pulling away. Neither of them says anything, comfortable with the stillness draping over the car.

It _was_ a date! Not like he’ll ever tell Kai that he thought otherwise, although the giddy smile on his face might give it away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr is [kaimcclains](https://kaimcclains.tumblr.com/)
> 
> fic idea from [here](http://p0ck3tf0x.tumblr.com/post/98502010026/one-hundred-ways-to-say-i-love-you)


	4. "come here. let me fix it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY THIS HASNT BEEN UPDATED IN FOREVER!! i kept meaning to but life and writers block were hitting me HARD. i should be back on a semi-regular posting schedule now tho, sorry again!!!

It’s not his fault that he’s fucked up. But if it’s not, then who can he pin the blame on? His father, his uncle, his  _ cat _ , who?

Adam continues to sulk on the bathroom floor, the remnants of his phone’s screen scattered haphazardly in his hand. When he had engaged in a particularly loud screaming match with his dad, he had expected the older man to slap him across the face and call it a day, because apparently his son was just not  _ worth _ the attention. Today had been one of his dad’s worst days, much to his  _ delight! _ The fight was long, tenuous and culminated in Adam not only getting yelled at but also in his phone getting tossed carelessly into a wall.

Someone bangs on the bathroom door loudly; Adam nearly jumps out of his skin at the sound. For a split second, his intrusive thoughts whisper to him that his father has come back for more (who knows, maybe he’ll muster up the courage to fight back at some point) but the sound of the footsteps as they pound away indicate they belonged to his mother.

He isn’t in the mood for talking to his family members.

What he  _ is _ in the mood for, is seeing Kai. Something about his best friend helped him calm down ( _ something _ he wasn’t about to admit to the boy in question). His automatic instinct is to call him and ask to be picked up, but seeing as his phone is currently out of commission, he settles for sticking his head out of the bathroom window to judge his distance to the ground. If he can jump and not injure himself horribly, then he should be able to walk to Kai’s house in about twenty minutes if he rushes.

It actually turns out to be nineteen minutes and twenty-three seconds, but who’s counting?

Kai answers the door after the second knock, eyes tired and stance weary. Adam summons a convincing grin to display somewhere from the depths of his soul, but he’s not sure he needed it with how fast Kai’s entire face lights up at the sight of him.

He swoops Adam into one of his terrifying bone-crushing hugs. Adam takes care to revel in what limited affection his best friend is willing to give to him before Kai’s stepping away and he’s back to square one.

“What’s up, dude?” Kai asks as he steps aside to let the other boy in. By how carefree his body language is, Adam’s guessing he’s the only one home right now. When he enters, the house is eerily quiet.

It’s a good time to fish the mauled remains of his phone out of his pocket and place it on the dining table near the door. The poor phone resembles one of those burnt microwave popcorn bags, with the screen cracked to hell and back and the fact that there are some suspicious white-grey wires or some other object poking out of the remnants. The shock that flashes across Kai’s face says it all.

“When did this happen?!” He exclaims, making Adam wince at the volume.

“A few minutes ago. My dad…” Adam trails off, hoping Kai will get the hint. He shakes his head, mouth quirked in malcontent.

“Okay. Give me a second, I guess,” says Kai. He leaves, presumably to fetch one of the many toolkits laying around his room, so Adam pulls up a seat at the table. Staring into space has never been so interesting - he’s almost tempted to wander into Kai’s living room instead, with that giant television - but he manages to keep himself occupied until Kai returns.

He immediately gets to work, prying the screen off and grasping something that vaguely resembled a tiny screwdriver. Kai has always been great with anything tech-related; Adam, not so much. He came close to setting a microwave on fire once, so needless to say, he leaves anything that could fall under the category of “smart people work” up to Kai.

“If you want water or anything, my kitchen’s over there,” Kai says, jerking a thumb to the back of him, effectively interrupting the silence that had befallen them. Adam would much rather stay here and focus his attention on how cute it is when Kai pokes his tongue out in pure concentration, or when he closes one eye and his face scrunches up in that way Adam finds absolutely  _ adorable _ , but the world is not on his side today.

He meanders into the kitchen slowly. Although he’s seen it a million times at their countless sleepovers and other hangouts, he’s taken away by the sheer size of the room every time. Kai’s family isn’t what people would consider rich by any standard, but it’s clear that they aren’t lower middle class either.

Adam wishes he could say the same.

He retrieves an empty glass from one of the cupboards, filling it up with water and slumping to the cold, kitchen tiles below. It’s not as if he’s  _ jealous _ of Kai; His best friend deserves the greatest life possible, and he’s extremely grateful for how generous Kai’s parents usually are with allowing Adam to visit as often as he does. Sometimes he catches himself wishing he was born into Kai’s family, but that would make them brothers, and Adam would have to turn himself in for thinking about Kai  _ that _ way if they were  _ actually _ related. He doesn’t know how long he chills in the kitchen, but it must be a while because Kai finally interrupts him with a yell.

“Yo Adam! C’mere!” He hears his friend shout from the other room. Adam picks himself up off the floor, wondering what the other boy could possibly need.

Kai’s shoving Adam’s fixed phone into Adam’s face with a cheeky grin, awaiting all of his praise and validation which Adam gladly gives to him in the form of hugs and a few sloppy cheek kisses that Kai doesn’t seem to mind.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re welcome.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my tumblr is [kaimcclains](https://kaimcclains.tumblr.com/)
> 
> fic idea from [here](http://p0ck3tf0x.tumblr.com/post/98502010026/one-hundred-ways-to-say-i-love-you)


	5. "i'll walk you home."

Kai is six years old when a boy he has never seen in his life sits next to him in Kai’s designated sandbox (it’s technically not _his_ , but the other kids on the playground refuse to play with him for some reason).

“Hi. I’m Adam.” The boy says, picking up one of Kai’s shovels and dragging it through the fake sand slowly. “What are we building right now?”

It’s not as if Kai’s dumb or anything. His teacher claims he’s good at math to his overtly proud parents every few weeks or so, and he likes to think his LEGO building skills are unsurpassed by that of his peers. He just can’t comprehend why this boy - Adam, apparently - is voluntarily speaking to him.

“Nothing.” Kai finally spits out after Adam begins looking at him funny. He makes grabby hands at the shovel Adam’s holding. Once it’s in his possession, he turns his back to Adam and starts laying down a base for the nice castle he’s about to build. He doesn’t have much of a storyline mapped in his head yet, only that he’ll name the dragon Colrath (and maybe he’ll include a prince instead of a princess).

Kai can feel Adam’s stunned eyes on his back, then on the movements of his tool as he haphazardly spreads it around. Adam could possibly have good intentions, even though Kai can hardly understand what he’s benefitting from. No one talked to him before, why start now? He doesn’t realize he’s stopped focusing on the task at hand until the crouched form of Adam fills his vision, and a small hand firmly plants itself on his shoulder.

“What’s wrong?” asks Adam, head cocking to the side in concern. Kai almost wants to laugh.

“Why are you even here?” Bitterness laces his voice as he crosses his arm and juts his bottom lip out in a pout. He resembles his bratty little brother right now, but if Adam’s here to make fun of him like Vanessa does all the time, then he isn’t interested in talking to him.

“Because I want to be.” And then in a much smaller voice, Adam quickly adds: “You look cool.”

Tension seeps out of Kai’s shoulder at that admission. He’s not quite sure what to think, but by the way Adam’s nervous smile keeps fluctuating with his offbeat breathing and the fact that he hasn’t gotten up and left yet is enough to relax Kai a bit.

“I’m ma- _We’re_ making a castle. A super scary dragon guards it with his life - his name’s Colrath, by the way - and in that castle, is a prince.” Kai uses his special storytelling voice he reserves for when he’s regaling his mother with whatever bedtime story he had chosen from his bookshelf. Adam listens intently, nodding and trailing Kai’s hand movements with his eyes every so often.

By the time the recess bell rings, Kai can feel the wide smile he’s sporting sting his cheeks. He lets himself be led around by Adam the rest of the day, off to the coloring table where he and Adam collaborate on a drawing of Colrath and nap time, when Adam combines their respective mats at the back of the classroom.

For the very first time in his life, he doesn’t want to leave when the teacher dismisses them all with a warm wave goodbye.

At least until Adam’s turning around, hand outstretched as he offers to walk Kai home. He only lives about a block away, so he usually just walks alone, stopping every once in a while to pet the dog that lived at Mrs. Smith’s house.

“Yeah,” Kai says, grinning. “Let’s go.”

***

“Won’t your mom be worried?” asks Kai as they shuffle onto the sidewalk. He doesn’t mind the company, but if it’s at the expense of his new friend getting in trouble, he’d rather be alone.

“No. I’ll use your phone,” Adam says all too quickly, eyes shifting to the sky. Kai wants to press the topic but judging from the careful blankness of his vacant stare, Kai decides to keep his curiosity to himself. Adam begins talking about another boy in their class - the one with the blonde hair, Skeet Kai thinks his name was - and how he had apparently rudely knocked him over after recess a few days ago. He never apologized for it either, just continued on as if he didn’t exist.

Kai’s only half-heartedly listening, more interested in the weathered cracks that littered his sidewalk and the small weeds that blossomed between them. He always thought it was strange that these plants if they could be called that, thrive despite the scarce resources a concrete ground provides. Does anyone ever stop to water them? Maybe Kai should bring a watering can to school one day, it’s the least he can do for these poor things.

“- Kai. Kai, are you okay?”

He blinks in surprise.

“Yeah. Um, we’re almost here actually.”

Adam smiles, teeth seemingly brighter than the sun. Kai’s cheeks tinge red. They don’t talk again until Kai quietly opens his front door and instantly gets scooped up in a hug by his older sister.

“Kai! How was school today? Who’s your friend?” She asks, motioning to Adam standing awkwardly behind him.

“This is my friend, Adam,” states Kai confidently. Her eyebrows raise when he says friend, prompting Adam to shrink further into himself.

“Hi.”

“Aww, adorable! Hi Adam!” She says excitedly. A yell from their mom has her jumping up, then smacking a hand to her forehead. “I have to help Mom now, but nice meeting you Adam!”

“Sorry, she’s weird.” Kai explains, but there’s a fond look in his eyes that has Adam grinning too. “Come on, we can go to my room.”

Adam can’t quite figure out why he never talked to Kai before today. It had been an impulse decision at best to approach him on the playground, but he has a feeling he’ll be Kai’s friend for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lord jesus i know i suck at updating but i'm really trying to write more!!!! anyways, i hope you enjoyed!
> 
> my tumblr is [kaimcclains](https://kaimcclains.tumblr.com/)
> 
> fic idea from [here](http://p0ck3tf0x.tumblr.com/post/98502010026/one-hundred-ways-to-say-i-love-you)


	6. "have a good day at work."

To say Kai is nervous about his first day at his new job tomorrow is an understatement. He’d only barely made it through the interview with stuttered words about his work ethic and a stellar recommendation from his friend Mira who already held a job at the company, and he was almost positive that he wouldn’t have received the offer at all if not for her.

Sure, he had built up experience from his internship with a company similar to his new one last summer, and Mira had basically ensured that the job was his, but he couldn’t help overthinking as he stared at the wall in the shower.

The cracked paint near the edges stared back at him in contempt. Kai felt like crying.

“Hey! Hurry up in there, dinner is almost done!” Adam says while knocking loudly on the door. No matter how many times the other man did that, Kai jumped every time.

“Okay, give me a minute!” Kai yells back as he rinses the last of the conditioner out of his hair. Usually, he doesn’t bother with proper hair care at all but first impressions are the most important, right?

He inspects himself in the foggy mirror, wondering whether he should take the extra initiative and shave in the morning, but another loud knock has him scrambling into his pajamas and hurriedly leaving the bathroom into his and Adam’s small kitchen/living room.

Their one-bedroom apartment isn’t the greatest, but somehow they make it work. A plate full of spaghetti and the aroma of light spice greets him when he steps into the kitchen, as well as a clearly proud Adam. He isn’t the _best_ at cooking (there was one time Adam managed to make their microwave overheat because he forgot that water was necessary to cook ramen) but Kai appreciates the effort regardless.

“Excited for work tomorrow?” Adam asks as he sits down across from Kai. Kai nearly spills about the onset of anxiety that single question just gave him, but he doesn’t want to burden his loving boyfriend with his problems. Adam must see the look on his face anyway though because he reaches a concerned arm out. “Babe?”

That’s all it takes before Kai is burying his head in his hands, shoulders violently shaking as a few sobs make their way out of his mouth. Adam jumps up in concern and is immediately by his side, rubbing soothing circles into his boyfriend’s back. Thankfully, he doesn’t say anything for a long time. Even if he did, Kai isn’t sure what he would want him to say.

“Let’s go over there,” Adam suggests quietly. Their plates of spaghetti remain forgotten on the table in favor of laying down on the couch in the living room. Adam stays silent as he switches the television on, putting on a cooking show before he turns his attention back to Kai.

“What’s the matter, love? Parents?” Adam whispers, resuming his pattern of circles on Kai’s back. He’s stopped crying by now, numerous stray tear trails splattered across his cheeks being the only remaining evidence.

“No, no, I just… it’s dumb.” Kai says resolutely.

“That’s not true…” Adam trails off. He stands up abruptly, nearly knocking Kai off the couch in his rush to get to the closet. “Hold on.” He returns shortly with a pile of blankets and drapes Kai’s favorite one over their shoulders. “Better?”

Kai gives him a small grin, nudging his boyfriend’s shoulder with his own. “Yeah, sure.”

“So…” Adam breaks off, eyes casting downward to the floor as he twiddles his thumbs. “Are we going to talk about what’s really bothering you?”

Kai was hoping he wouldn’t bring that up. “I think I’m a little nervous for the new job. I just… don’t think I was qualified enough to even get it, but now I’m in this bigshot position that I don’t even _deserve-_ I don’t even know why they hired me but I’m scared I’m gonna fuck up and-“

He was visibly teetering on the border of a panic attack, immediately spiking Adam’s concern. He goes to place a comforting hand on his shoulder, hoping Kai wouldn’t be overwhelmed by his action. “Baby, babe, shush,” He whispers softly, lightly stroking one of Kai’s shoulders in an attempt to hopefully calm him down. “There’s a reason you landed this job.”

“Well, if anyone could tell me _why_ , that would be _great_ because I sure as hell can’t guess why!”

“You’re the smartest person I know, honey. Anyone would be stupid to say that you weren’t the most qualified person to show up at that interview! You aced that internship, killed that interview, and now I know you’re gonna be the best at your job! I can’t even imagine why you would say otherwise when it’s crystal clear to the rest of us that you were meant for that position,” rants Adam. Kai’s eyes brim with tears as he takes those words all in. He wants to believe him, he really does. It’s all just too much in his head right now, like a building pressure that wants to explode but won’t.

He doesn’t want to risk disappointing his boyfriend though, so he hides his watery smile behind the sleeve of his pajama shirt. “Thanks, I- I appreciate it.”

“I’m serious. I wouldn’t be saying all of this to you if I didn’t believe it deep down in my damn heart. You’re capable of more than you think, love.”

“Shut up nerd!” Kai manages to giggle lightly. He collapses into Adam’s chest shortly afterwards as he focuses on the television. “What are we even watching?”

“Gordon Ramsay yelling at more contestants, I guess.” Adam smiles, bringing up a hand to mess Kai’s hair up. “Tell me this isn’t some quality entertainment though.”

Kai snorts and settles his head further into the expanse of Adam’s chest. He doesn’t feel completely relieved of his job anxiety, but if Adam stays by his side, he can accomplish anything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow it's really been like almost an entire year i am SO sorry!! college got me fucked up,,, but i'm gonna write more on a regular basis now since Summer Is Approaching. i still want to finish this fic too so look out for more updates! <3
> 
> my tumblr is [kaimcclains](https://kaimcclains.tumblr.com/)
> 
> fic idea from [here](http://p0ck3tf0x.tumblr.com/post/98502010026/one-hundred-ways-to-say-i-love-you)


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